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Hope Lost <--my fanfic :D

posted Aug 16, 2011 04:37:44 by MaryCosta
Ch.1
Walking slowly down the sidewalk, Kari tried to forget everthing but the warm feeling of the now setting sun's gentle rays on her skin. Calming as this felt, she could not shake the feeling of dread building inside her, "But why?" she whimpered.
Gatomon who had been padding along beside her in companionable silence now pricked her ears and gazed up at her partner, "Whats wrong?"
"Nothing..just..forget it."
"But Kari...you haven't been acting like yourself lately."
Kari continued to trudge toward her apartment secretly hoping that her mother and Tai would not be home. She just wanted to be alone. What's wrong with me? Finally reaching her door, Kari sighed in relief when she realized it was locked. Once inside, she went quickly to her room, slamming the door shut behind her, locking Gatomon out. Thats when the tears came. Why am I crying? Why do I feel so sad? Nothing even happened. Nothing worth crying over anyway. I'm just tired and stressed thats all. The tumult of thoughts crashing through Kari's head made her feel exhausted and gave her a throbbing headache. Hoping to just disappear, she took some painkillers and closed her eyes eventually dozing off.
Gatomon was sitting by the door feeling completely bewildered. What could be wrong with Kari? This has been going on for about a week now, but today has been the worst by far. Doesn't she realize im her partner and she can tell me anything? Well since i have no choice but to give her space, i guess ill go see Patamon and T.K they will know what to do! With that Gatoman ran through the house and sprang through the cat door determined to find answers.
T.K and patamon were sitting on the couch watching t.v., well T.K was watching and Patamon was bouncing up and down on the throw pillows. I wonder what Kari is doing right now? Maybe i should call her... No I sent her a text 45 minuets ago and i don't want to seem desperate. A scratching at the door accompanied by a familiar voice calling " T.K!!!! PATAMON!!! Somethings wrong with Kari!!!" Upon hearing this T.K rushed to the door and opened it for Gatomon.
"What happened to Kari?" T.K was too worried to keep the protective tone from his voice.
"She hasn't been acting like herself lately and today she locked herself in her room and i could hear her crying i don't know what to do! I've never seen her like this before!" Gatomon had clearly lost her composure and was rambling her thoughts to the two sets of blue eyes watching her intently.
T.K ran out of the house and headed for Kari's apartment which was only a few blocks away. In his haste he had forgotten to put on shoes, luckily the always reliable Patamon had remembered and not left the shoes behind. I'm comin Kari just hold on. T.K reached his destination in exactly 5 minuets, a new record for him. Must be the adrenaline. He thought to himself. Finally reaching the door, he ran straight to Kari's room and tryed to open the door. Locked. "Dammit!!" He slouched against the doorframe and slid to the floor where he remained for the next hour.
Kari groaned and rolled over to glance at the clock 8:30 pm. The thoughts started flooding into her head again but this time she shut them out. I was awefully mean locking Gatomon out, I hope she's not mad at me. She sauntered over to the door and unlocked it gasping as she nearly tripped over her blonde friend who was sitting in the doorway. T.K, of course, would never let her hit the ground. He caught her as he was standing up and gave her a friendly hug. "Thank you Takeru, I....really needed that." T.K blushed at the mention of his real name. Kari was the only one, besides his mom, who called him that.
"Kari...Gatomon said there was something wrong ..what is it? I want to help."
Kari grabbed T.K's wrist and pulled him into her room, motioning for the digimon to follow but Patamon grabbed Gatomons paw and pulled her away leaving Kari and T.K alone. Kari shut the door behind her and turned to face T.K. "Takeru...I'm tired."
"If your tired then go to sleep I didn't mean to bother you I could just go home.."
"No not that kind of tired, i mean tired of pretending... like im always ok. Everyone always thinks im happy and that nothing ever bothers me but it does! I'm tired of hiding it!" She wasn't thinking as she spoke. Kari had never told anyone what she was telling T.K but she knew if she could tell anyone it would be him. Ever since they were little kids in the digital world they had been best friends and for the most part, inseperable. She trusted him, and thats why she couldn't stop revealing everything that was going on in her head to him. "Everyone always tells me their problems because they know I will help them but they dont know how much it effects me. When my friends are hurt, I'm hurt. I know this probably doesn't make any sense but just try to understand. If I ever told them they would think I'm crazy! I don't want them to think that! To top it all off there's this feeling... It just won't go away Takeru, it feels like im missing something, like theres a hole in me somewhere that can't be filled! Even when I'm surrounded by my best friends I feel so lonely, I can't escape it!"
Kari was crying now, leaving Takeru feeling completely helpless. He wrapped his arms around her gingerly as she leaned into his chest. If he hadn't been so worried about Kari, he would have been beaming with happiness, but he was trying to understand what she had just told him. More then that, he was trying to figure out how to make her feel better. He needed to know how to fix it and fast because time was not something he had alot of at the moment.
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ZacharyMcDonald said Oct 27, 2011 03:19:49
While your ideas may be very excellent and well thought out, things like grammar, spelling and paragraph spacing DO make a big difference.

Try not to go too fast with your stories, either. In just a few hundred words you went from Kari going home with Gatomon to crying in her bedroom to Gatomon going to T.K's to T.K's going to her house to them hugging...it's a lot to fit in such small space. Try to add more description or other events to create a sense of realism. Spend a good amount of time fixing up your stories and making them awesome.

I've recently found some helpful books at the library that deal with a lot of these issues fiction (and therefore us fan-fiction writers as well) writers have. I'm not sure how interested in writing you are but if it's something you really want to be good at check some out. They really help set things straight and what not.

If you need any more help, please ask :) You can check some of my stuff out at http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2688182/ I'm trying to force myself to not procrastinate and write more, but it's hard. But other than all this your story is going somewhere good as long as it has a plot to it. If it's just going to be twenty chapters of Takari, I don't see it going anywhere :P
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